Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Winter Music Conference Virgin: The Anti-Guide for Noobs


You want your glow to come from the inside, not from irreversible skin damage cause by the sun.

You want your glow to come from the inside, not from irreversible skin damage caused by the sun.

Take advantage of your time in Miami to experience as much as possible: do it up, do it right and do it all. However one thing you don’t want to do at Winter Music Conference is act like a tourist who showed up without a single clue and is just begging to get punked by shiesters, sun rays and sloppy drunkenness. Here are ten things to avoid doing at all costs unless you want to look like a Winter Music Conference NOOB:

1. Wear your WMC badge around your neck, proudly showing it off to anyone who will look like it’s a car phone in the 80’s. Pop your collar and give us a fist-pump while you’re at it.

2. Get extremely sunburned to the point that your scalp starts to peel and your bright pink neon skin is distracting people on the dance floor from the strobe lights. Even in the shade and especially in the pool, the Miami sun will fry your face.

3. If you run into your favorite producer hanging out by the pool, be sure to gush like a teenage girl meeting Robert Pattison. Scream loudly while you jump up and down and then demand a signature for your mom.

4. Party hop as much as possible, never staying at any one event half the time it took you to get inside, even if you are having a blast- because the grass must be steazier at the other party, right? Judge the success of your WMC by the number of parties you went to– NOT by how much fun you had.

5. Don’t read the fine print on party flyers and advertisements, assuming that the start times, artists or cover charges never change. Believe what the DJ or promoter told you is set in stone. Show up to the party with the flyer in your hand and make a stink when you realize you read it wrong and the event is tomorrow.

6. Pay the first price offered when shopping at stores on Collins Avenue, assuming they never overcharge people and that you can’t haggle them down. Don’t worry about packing the right things; just plan to buy all your clothes once you arrive in Miami.

7. Plan your nights based around what you can get for “free,” like free drinks at clubs before 10PM, free gift bags of useless schwag and free entry to parties. Believe every ‘free’ offer that you see. Carry no cash.

8. Pay your restaurant bill without looking and then slap down a 20% tip, not realizing that many Miami restaurants already add a service fee of 15% during WMC.

9. Get sloppy drunk as often as possible, forcing your friends to leave the party and take care of you as you puke blue malt liquor smoothies into a plant in the hallway of your hotel before passing out in the elevator. Everyone loves to babysit their friends!

10. Assume that the club scene and music industry work the same way in Miami as they do in your hometown. Become indignant and really pissed off when you find out that they don’t. Yell at bouncers as often as possible to relieve your frustration.


Whether it is your first time to Winter Music Conference or your fifteenth, you will find heaps of useful information, tips and party details at

You are not in Kansas anymore.

"Is this the way to Future Sound of Breaks?"

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One Response to “Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Winter Music Conference Virgin: The Anti-Guide for Noobs”

  1. lolz at the last picture. What’s up Dorothy?

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