Are You a Fucking Hipster?

Fucking hipsters. They’re all around us, yet no one seems to own up to being one. Here’s how to tell if you might (GASP) be a fucking hipster:

  1. Have you ever changed clothes because your outfit matched too well?
  2. Do you often go out for sushi, even though you don’t really like it?
  3. Does your messy and/or two-tone hair ever obscure your vision- over one eye, anyway?
  4. Are you ‘mostly-vegetarian’ (except for bacon or fish or the occasional Big Mac)?
  5. Have you ever antiqued an item of clothing by ripping holes in it, running it over with your car, scuffing it or otherwise “de-newing” the outfit before you wore it?
  6. Do you live in your Converse or Vans sneakers?
  7. Do you have at least one non-traditional piercing or a tattoo that “means something” even though you picked it off the wall of the tattoo shop?
  8. Do you ride a fixed-gear bike?
  9. You are at a record release party, but only have enough cash for the CD or the tee-shirt. Do you buy the tee-shirt?
  10. Are there items of neon clothing in your closet?
  11. Do you like indie rock?
  12. Are you still wearing skulls and crossbones?
  13. Do you despise the word “scene” even though you go out all the time?
  14. Have you ever paid more than $50 for an item of clothing at a thrift, ahem, I mean a vintage store?
  15. Do you usually downplay the amount of money your parents make?
  16. Right now: are your pants cutting off your circulation?
  17. Do you smoke Parliaments?
  18. Do you own more than one item of clothing from American Apparel?
  19. If someone gave you a gift from the Pottery Barn, would you immediately dispose of it before any of your friends saw it?
  20. Do people often ask if you are in a band or are a DJ when they meet you based on your appearance alone?
  21. Do you have a blog?
  22. Do you regularly wear flannel shirts, black leggings and/or thick nerdy glasses (prescription or otherwise)?
  23. Could your belt kick someone’s ass?
  24. Are you a skinny white guy who kind of looks like a girl or a skinny white girl who could be a guy?
  25. Have you ever worn chains as jewelry, or an undershirt as an overshirt?
  26. Do you wax on and on about evil corporations yet still shop at Urban Outfitters and really love your PBR and MacBook?
  27. Is fashion an extremely important part of your life?
  28. Have you ever shown up a party and realized you and your friends are all dressed alike, again?
  29. Were you a liberal arts major?
  30. Do you wear brightly colored bandannas?
  31. If you heard your favorite band on a mainstream radio station, would they no longer be your favorite band (fucking SELLOUTS)?
  32. Do you own a vest?
  33. Would you rather be called stylish than smart?
  34. Do you frequently carry a novel around, although the last book you actually finished was in 2005 (for school) and you really prefer reading a glossy magazine, which you hide in your grocery cart under your organic produce?
  35. Is your hair dirty right now?
  36. Do you regularly hang out in an independently-owned coffee shop and would not be caught dead with a Starbucks cup in your hand?
  37. Have you ever tried and failed to start a band?
  38. Do your parents still subsidize your rent, your car payment or your weekend coke habit?
  39. Have you ever worn a pair of brightly colored oversize plastic sunglasses inside at night?
  40. Do you carry a messenger bag around the big city you live in?
  41. Could your hairstyle or facial hair be described as ‘ironic’?
  42. Do you regularly read Pitchfork, Vice, Radar or Nylon?
  43. Have you ever removed the tag or logo from a name-brand item of clothing?
  44. In photographs do you always give your best “FUCK OFF” face and also like to throw the rock-n-roll/devil sign, no matter what the situation (baby showers, vacation with the fam, Grandpa’s 50th, etc)?
  45. Do you kind of like the word “snark?”
  46. Is your watch made of plastic?
  47. Do you usually wear a scarf even when it is sunny and warm outside?
  48. Would someone calling you “artsy” be like, the greatest compliment ever, even though the only thing you ever create is drama?
  49. Do you make a real effort to appear apathetic?
  50. Would you be offended if someone called you a hipster?

lookatthisfuckinghipster

Find this photo and more pictures of fucking hipsters at LookAtThisFuckingHipster.com.

***

Overheard in Silverlake:

 “I would wear this belt with this outfit, but then I’d be a hipster.”

No, the fact that you think your clothing creates your identity makes you a hipster. But thanks for inspiring this blog post! Now put on some oversize shades and go eat some sushi.

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8 Responses to “Are You a Fucking Hipster?”

  1. I’m hip alright, but i’m far from hipster, still have hardcore card while most hipster only dream of owning instead of there black EMO card.

  2. dancefever5000 Says:

    UH OH! People are getting butt-hurt because they are answering too many questions “yes!”

    Please note: I was my own greatest inspiration for this post. Although I WISH my parents would subsidize a weekend coke habit; I would probably get a lot more writing done.

    We will never live in a world where people are not judged by appearance, at least not until we get those matching silver jumpsuits for the spacecraft. For 90% of human existence we lived in small hunter-gatherer tribes and when you came across another human, you BETTER judge them by appearance (do I know them? are they friendly? related? hostile? fertile? cannibal?) and you better judge them quick- a mistake could mean your life, and the death of your genes.

    Fashion is always part of a subculture, or any culture since we skinned those sabre tooth tigers and stuck ‘em on our backs and said, “Dude! Sweet! Yours has the tongue hanging out!” What we wear is a very important part of culture; even what might appear as a lack of fashion sense is itself, a fashion.

    If anyone doesn’t think that fashion or what they wear matters and that they are immune to the whims of fashion and above all this, then I dare you to wear a prom dress to work tomorrow, or out on Friday night. Yeah, you won’t. What you wear matters, even if what you wear is carefully contrived to say to the world, “I don’t care about fashion.” I do think that when fashion becomes the defining and dominant point of a subculture, it is dead- or at least on its way out. Enter the hipster.

    Us vs. Them, In vs. Out, I wanna be different just like everybody else. Most of my post just describes current fashion trends; I think what is pissing people off about so-called hipsters is that they claim to be non-conforming artistic types but really just look like it. It is all style, no substance. Like LA.

    Here in LA if you apply for an office job copywriting, they want to see a headshot. Seriously. Brash; but ya know the honesty is kind of refreshing. Everyone judges by appearance; in LA they are just up-front about it.

    I live in Silverlake, what I think is the EDM epicenter of the city AND Jesus T-F Christ, hipster fucking central. Last week I encountered several people at a record release party who just bought the tee shirt instead of the CD. They didn’t want the music, they just wanted to appear that they liked it.

    I think this epitomizes the hipster thing and what people hate about it- it is fake, the appearance of being artsy or into weird music or anything non-mainstream- but with no substance and no originality. Choosing to wear a belt or not is not going to change your identity, but some people think so. They are called hipsters. In the 80′s we knew them as ‘poseurs.’

    Anyway I love fashion and always have. Low fashion, anyway- like mullets and fanny packs and harem pants. Especially at the same time!

  3. oh, Shilo, living in Silverlake bringing you down? I’m sitting in Berlin’s Kreuzberg atm – hipster capital of Europe. Seven out of ten people waking into the coffehouse fit at least 15 categories you’ve described. Now, full disclosure of course – yes, I’m wearing my chuck taylor shoes (same as when I was in school) and yes, I may look like a white skinny girl sometimes, hehehe

    Anyway, nice reading your blog, take care!

    //rfl

  4. Very funny. Always enjoy some good old sub-cultural satire — ‘sub-tire’?

    I saw you on Glitchhopforum.com and thought I’d check out the blog. I also write (along with a couple of friends) for http://www.postmusic.org, if you’d like pop by sometime.

    Cheers, fellow music lover and culture critic!

    - Evan Exempt

    http://www.myspace.com/evanexemptmusic

  5. Bhahahaah Shilo you are killin’ me!! Too funny!

  6. I don’t think I am hipster, I just like wearing funky glasses :) whether I wear them with sweatpants or jeans it makes no difference to me. I just wear what I like and what makes me happy :P

  7. Johnny .45 Says:

    51. Do you complain and go off at length when your favorite underground music scene is turned “mainstream” because too many undesirables begin to listen to it?

    52. Do you go off at length on every possible venue on how you listened to aforesaid music “back in 20__”, before it got ruined and turned into this Mainstream Crap? Do you then claim you are only telling the world because you don’t like the new sound, in spite of the fact that telling everyone that you listened to it “when it was still underground” only serves to prove how cool you are?

    53. Do you call people who listen to aforesaid “mainstream crap” “hipsters” because they are listening to the same thing that everyone else does, in spite of the fact that it’s YOU who are careful to tell everyone at every chance how you listened to it before it went mainstream, and won’t bother now, because there is no point in listening to it if everyone can’t tell how underground you are by the music you listen to?

    54. Do you seriously believe that the more people listen to a type of music, the worse it sounds, and that “popular” is actually synonymous with “mainstream”?

    If you answered yes to any of these questions, then yes, then you are a hipster. No, the “posers trying to fit in” and listen to this new popular music style because they like it are NOT. The very fact that they are listening to it and are aware that it’s popular and don’t care precludes this.

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